


The Persistence of Love

by thealphagate_archivist



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Adult Content, Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-11-26
Updated: 2006-11-26
Packaged: 2019-02-02 19:11:00
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,899
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12732534
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thealphagate_archivist/pseuds/thealphagate_archivist
Summary: When Daniel volunteers for an experiment, Jack has a decision to make.





	The Persistence of Love

**Author's Note:**

> Note from the archivists: this story was originally archived at [The Alpha Gate](https://fanlore.org/wiki/The_Alpha_Gate), a Stargate SG-1 archive, which began migration to the AO3 in 2017 when its hosting software, eFiction, was no longer receiving support. To preserve the archive, we began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in November 2017. We e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are this creator and it hasn't transferred to your AO3 account, please contact us using the e-mail address on [The Alpha Gate collection profile](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/thealphagate).

  
Author's notes: This is my first slash story. It came out of some other themes I have been dealing with in my general stories. It is mild in sex scenes though. No beta this time.  


* * *

He collapses into the chair and leans back, staring with absent eyes at the desk. A computer screen saver greets him, the dancing fish used to make him happy. They don’t anymore. His bent elbow is cushioned by the thick leather of the chair’s arm. With closed eyes he reclines backward and lifts his legs to put his feet up on the desk. He wants nothing more than to forget he is in Washington D.C.. He wants nothing more than to forget why he took this god awful promotion.

No, that isn’t it at all.

What he wants is to remember it all, feel it all, bathe in it. He curses deep in his throat. What kind of nearly fifty year old lovesick teenager was he?

A knock sounds on the door and he figures he can ignore it. He can get away with things like this now because he’s a General. His deputy can take care of any nuisance. It is late in the day and he just wants to get back to his apartment and settle in for a night of hockey. 

The knock hits again and, surrendering, he calls out, “Come.”

The door swings open and her smile warms him. She’s tall. That’s one of the first things he ever thought about Carter when he first met her. She’s all legs, long, sleek, legs. He stands and reaches out to shake her hand. “Carter.”

“Sir,” Carter says then nods. “Nice to see you again.”

“What’s happening back at the ranch?” Jack waves her to sit and she takes a seat, but sits on the edge as if she might need to jump up. She’s in her dress blues, those long legs teasing the knee length hem. “If you’re looking for a transfer back to area 51, afraid I can’t help you.”

“Actually sir, it’s funny that you mentioned area 51.”

“Funny haha or funny this is gonna burn my butt and blow out my brains.”

She gives him that half quirky smile that only Carter can manage, the one where her cheek dimples. “I’d say the latter sir.”

He bites down on the inside of his cheek before he says, “Oh I would be so disappointed if it wasn’t.” He smirks and gestures for her to continue.

“It’s Daniel sir.”

Something in him curls up at the mention of that name. It tightens and twists but he shifts it aside as he has always done. Instead of shivering into the oncoming emotion, he forces it back and says, “Why am I not surprised?”

“He’s gone to area 51.”

Okay. Daniel’s gone to area 51. While that was interesting, it didn’t merit a trip across country by one of the SGC most valuable persons. Plus he usually didn’t get daily reports on his former team members’ movements. “Okay?”

She rises and the hiked up skirt falls downward to her knees as she paces before the desk. Her hands are clasped in fists, one covering the other. “I’m not like you sir. Daniel and I have a different kind of relationship.”

Well that was a certainty, he thought, but quickly tosses his wanderings away. He doesn’t ask what she means by the statement or what it has to do with Daniel’s current residence.

“When I talk,” she hesitates but then continues in a clipped speech. “Daniel listens, sits back and listens. Then he gives his side and that’s it. He doesn’t argue a point or debate with me, he never has.”

“While this is all very intriguing Carter, I can’t see why I would really need to know this right now or why you had to travel on the government’s dime all the way across the country to brag that you and Daniel aren’t at each other’s throats.” Jack waits for her to explain because he knows she will, that’s who Carter is.

She complies, “Daniel decided to go to area 51 to volunteer to be experimented on.”

“What?” It feels like a buzzer went off in his head; he can’t hear around it. The ringing in his ears is mirrored by the brightness of the light causing his eyes to tear.

Carter is talking and he has to make a huge mental leap to catch up to her. “After the beachhead, Daniel and I discussed his knowledge of the Ancients at length. Even knowing what happened to Orlin after he descended hasn’t dissuaded him, I can’t convince him not to do this.”

He blinks his eyes a few times to clear his sight, to get the webs sticking his lids together off. With raking fingers, he combs his hands through his short silver white hair. “Daniel has gone to are 51 so that the scientists there can experiment on him?”

“Yes sir, he believes if the scientists there can retrieve some of his repressed memories then they might be able to find a defense against the Ori.”

“And he came up with this idiotic idea how?” He knows then, as her eyes drop and slide sideways. “Damn it Carter don’t tell me you put this lame idea in his head?”

“I swear sir, it wasn’t like that!” Carter confesses. Her eyes open wide and he’s reminded of how young she looked when he first meant her, how she tried to be cocky and self righteous but all she was had been a scared kid. She’s explaining as he comes back from his reverie. “We were talking about what we needed as a strategy against the Ori. It comes down to understanding them on their level. Daniel made the leap himself.”

“But you didn’t stop him.”

“I tried, sir. I really tried. But my relationship with Daniel isn’t like yours. He listens to you.”

He laughs. “Boy Carter you have everyone fooled into believing you’re a genius, maybe we have to rethink that.” She squints at him and he’s known her long enough to realize that she’s cursing him silently. Shrugging, he ignores her dissatisfaction with his reaction and says, “When did he leave for area 51?”

“Two days ago. Mitchell went to stop him but he’s adamant.” Carter walks to the window, looks out and remarks, “Pretty amazing city, isn’t it?”

He never thought so but he says yes and then asks, “Why’d Daniel do this?”

She looks back at him, over her shoulder. The sunlight streams into the window, glinting off her straw colored hair. It reminds him of summer days when he was younger. “I think he’s given up.”

“What?”

She turns completely from the window to face him. “Something’s wrong with Daniel. Has been for a while. I don’t know if it’s losing Vala, guilt over introducing the Ori to our galaxy or something else.”

“Don’t ever imply this Ori mess is Daniel’s fault.”

“I’m not sir, but I am saying that it’s in Daniel’s nature to think that it is his responsibility, his fault.” Her eyes soften as she speaks of Daniel and he knows she feels like a gaping hole is inside of her. He knows this because he has one inside of himself as well.

“You want me to talk to him? I can give him a call,” Jack says.

“The experiment starts tomorrow. Daniel’s signed the consents,” she answers and closes the distance between them. “I don’t think a phone call will do it.”

“Then let’s go.”

II.

The flight takes too long and his legs cramp as he sits awaiting the plane to land. Glancing out the window, Jack sees the barren landscape, the brush and infrequent weeds, the cacti. The desert isn’t in full bloom, its dead. His heart chills over and he shoves it back. He hates himself at times. Looking across the aisle at Carter, Jack says nothing but swallows hard. Something inside him is dying, dead. He longs to feel the same energy, the same lust for life as she does. Her eyes never lose their glimmer, the excitement of life, about life. He knows his have.

He feels old, knows he’s old, knows his life is just about pushing papers and nothing more. When did it all dissipate, crumpling like some fragile sculpture? He swears under his breath and Carter looks up, seeing him staring but has the good manners to just smile and turn back to the laptop she has open.

He drowns a little more.

The plane ride ends and he’s on his way to Daniel’s hotel room. He’s asked Carter to meet Mitchell at the underground base while he confronts Daniel. Once the experiment begins, Daniel will no longer be a resident of a hotel but will be confined to the inner wards of area 51. His heart thuds against his chest when he thinks about his friend hooked up to who knows what kind of gizmo, turning into who knows what kind of vegetable.

“Damn it,” he says as he makes his way across the lobby to the elevators. Daniel is some miles out from area 51. He’s staying in of all places Roswell, New Mexico. It is ludicrous and would be funny if the situation wasn’t so dire. Daniel giving his mind over to a bunch of quacks and lunie scientists made the situation dire, made it top level emergency stuff. At least, that is what he told the President when he hightailed it out of Washington.

The short elevator ride brings him to Daniel’s floor and he reaches the door. He stands there, staring at the number on the door, staring at the door, the grain of the wood. What the hell is he going to say? Daniel don’t do it? Daniel you are the biggest fool around? Daniel just because you fell in love with Vala and she’s gone doesn’t mean you should commit what could be taken as a form of suicide?

As he mulls over these different arguments in his head, the door swings open and he is face to face with the object of his inner debate.

“Jack?”

He says what first comes to mind, what always comes to mind, “Daniel.”

Daniel bops once and then screws up his face, his famous eyebrows furrow and he purses his lips. “Jack?” He says it expectantly as if Jack must explain his presence in the hallway of Daniel’s hotel room.

“What the hell are you doing here?”

He makes a little huffing noise in the back of his throat before he answers, “I think that’s my line.”

“Is it?” Jack pushes Daniel aside, grabs the door handle and yanks it closed as he moves inside the small hotel room.

Daniel stays by the door as Jack surveys the entire room. This is Daniel’s last blast, his last home before he commits himself to being a human guinea pig. He shakes his head, only Daniel would be fugal at a time like this. Then he notices the open wine bottle, the dark chocolate, the brie and apples and the scotch. All the best of the best. Well he’d take that back, Daniel might actually know how to give it his all.

He turns back to Daniel only to find the man with crossed arms glaring at him from the door. His face is stone, set for an argument. After all, isn’t that what they do? Argue? All the time? Only a few weeks before Daniel died of radiation poisoning Jack had literally scoffed at his feelings – well feelings for a robot – but still he hadn’t even taken into consideration that Daniel knew what the hell he was doing.

Pinching the bridge of his nose, Daniel shakes his head, lets a little hiss of air out between his teeth and says, “Okay Jack, let’s have it. I’m assuming either Mitchell or Sam called you because I know that Teal’c is off world.”

Jack settles on the edge of the small double bed, folds his hands in his lap and says, “It was Carter and she actually flew to Washington to tell me.”

“I’m impressed.” Daniel tosses his keys on the table near the door then goes to the scotch pours a glass for Jack and hands it to him. “You being here isn’t going to change my mind you know.”

“Isn’t it?” Jack sips the scotch. Smooth and woody. Good stuff.

“Nope, pretty much this is the right thing to do.” Daniel pours a glass of wine for himself. It is the deepest red, nearly burgundy in color. He pops a dark chocolate in his mouth and savors it before he says, “Replicator Sam knew she could access my Ascended memories, there’s no reason why we can’t do it too.”

“Other than the fact that you’ll most probably turn into an eggplant.”

Daniel doesn’t reply, just digs into the package of chocolates again and finds one to his likening. He eats it before he says, “I have to do something Jack. You and I know this is the right thing to do.”

“No, no we don’t.” Jack stands up, hands in pockets and walks to the little window. On the street below there’s several store fronts advertising alien tours. Shaking his head, he turns to his friend. “All I know is that you’re looking for an escape same as I did during that first trip to Abydos.”

Daniel just says, “I’m talking about using a resource that we both know holds information we need to fight the Ori.”

These simple words set him off, explode inside of him and ignite a fire like only Daniel can do. “That’s a load of bull. We don’t know that at all. What I know, what the whole of the SGC knows is that Daniel Jackson is heartbroken and looking for a way out. I didn’t think you were that weak.”

Daniel drops his wine glass, the red wine spreads out like a tide over the carpet. Jack can see Daniel’s hands are shaking but he can’t tell if it is from anger or fear. “What? What did you say?”

The fragment voice, the slightly parted mouth as if he might deny more but can’t stops the fire, extinguishes the flames of anger deep inside him. He steps closer to Daniel. He keeps his voice low and soft. “I know that losing Vala must hurt like hell Daniel. You’ve been through so much. You’ve lost so much.”

“Vala?” Daniel looks at him as if he is looking at too bright a light. He shakes his head like he is clearing his thoughts and repeats, “Vala?”

“I’m sorry she’s gone. I know you loved her.”

“What?” The perplexed look on Daniel’s face gets even deeper and he says, “Jack, I don’t know what the hell you’re talking about. I don’t love Vala.”

“There isn’t any use denying it,” Jack says. He sits down on the bed again. For some reason this conversation saps his strength, leaves that big hole in his chest open and bleeding. “I just don’t think you need to sacrifice yourself like this because you lost her.”

“You think I’m sacrificing myself because Vala’s gone? Because we lost her during the beachhead?”

He doesn’t know what else to do or say so he just nods. 

“Son of a-.” He doesn’t finish but instead walks to the table with the scotch, pours a drink and gulps it down. When he’s finished he turns back to Jack and says, “You are an ace class idiot, you know that O’Neill?”

“What?” The use of his last name by Daniel jars him. “Don’t give me any crap Daniel. Running off to get your brain sucked out is not a rational thing to do.”

“As rational as running away to Washington and heading up Homeworld Security.”

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” Jack is on his feet, his fists opening and closing.

“You’re so afraid of yourself, your feelings you ran away to DC a place you absolutely hate. Tell me that rationality in that? At least what I am doing is going to help in our fight against the Ori.”

“Damn you Daniel Jackson, who the hell do you think you are?” His hands close into those fists and his clenched fingers dig into the palms of his hands. “What I am doing is not a waste, what you are doing is. You’re throwing your life away.”

“So are you,” Daniel counters.

“I went where I was best needed,” Jack says.

“Same here.”

“You’re needed at the SGC, no one but no one is the expert on the Ancients and now the Ori but you,” Jack says. “If we lose you-.” He stalls out, he can’t say the rest. The rest balls up in his throat and chokes him.

“How about the SGC losing you Jack?” Daniel tosses the glass to the table. “Leaving the SGC was a brilliant idea. One of your jerky Jack moments-.”

“Jerky Jack moments?”

“Just because you have feelings for Sam. Christ fuck her and get over it already,” Daniel says and turns away. He holds his shoulders stiff and his hands are fisted to his mouth.

“Feelings for Sam?” Jack says. “What the hell are you talking about?”

Daniel whirls around, his eyes are wild and skipping about the room as if he’s searching for something. “For years you’ve been tiptoeing around. Just do it and get over it. Everyone thinks you’re doing it anyway.”

“Christ, sure I think she’s a looker. Always have, always liked to tease her about it.” Jack is talking more to himself than to Daniel. “Liked to flirt with her to play around, you know ‘cause she is a looker.”

“What the hell is wrong with you?” Daniel says. “She loves you. She broke off her engagement to Pete for you.”

“Yeah, yeah I know that,” Jack says and rubs the back of his neck. “We talked about it up at the cabin, decided both of us needed room to think. We could be a couple, I suppose, but it just never happened. When it was laid out like that, it just kinda died.”

“Kind of died?”

“Yeah.”

Daniel shakes his head then drops to the bed. He slumps there, sitting in a half curl. His voice is barely a whisper as he asks, “Then why did you go to Washington? Did you really think you could make a difference there?”

He’s seeking some affirmation Jack realizes. An affirmation that sacrificing himself to the geeks at area 51 is the right thing to do. Jack won’t give it to him, refuses to give it to him. Instead, he lets the hole open up inside of him, lets it unfurl and ache as it always has. “You were right when you said I left because I had feelings.”

Daniel nods. His one hand clasps over his eyes as if he is cradling his head. 

“For you.”

The words hold the room in a bubble. Still, silent, paralyzed. He can’t even hear Daniel breathing, can’t hear himself or feel himself take a breath. Those simple words challenge every sound or thought.

Daniel shudders then and picks up his head peers at Jack. His gaze is steady, unbroken and yearning. “For me.”

“Yes.”

The hole in his chest gapes and yawns open like the jaws of a great beast about to consume him. This hole bared to his friend hurts as if it is a real physical wound. He can feel it draining him of blood.

“You left because of me?”

“When you died again, I knew it then.” He looks away thinks of the woman he brought to his bed to forget everything, to deny everything. “Damn, I always knew it.”

“Always?”

He shrugs; he can’t say more.

“You came here to stop me?”

“Yes.”

“You want me to stop?” Daniel says. He stands and then is at Jack’s feet, kneeling before him, hands on Jack’s knees.

“Yes.”

Daniel’s mouth is perched over his; he can feel the warmth of his breath. His lids are half closed. “Do you want me to stop?”

For a moment he sinks into the thought of Daniel’s lips on his mouth. The touch and feel of the full lower lip pressing against his, the touch and feel of Daniel’s hands cupping his face, but the spell breaks and he shoves Daniel away, hard enough that he stumbles and falls against the entertainment center hold the television. His head bangs against the corner and he gives a little yelp of surprise. 

Jack scrambles down to the floor, stretching to reach Daniel. But his hand is slapped away. Daniel doesn’t turn to look at him, just sits there with his hand on the back of his head. “Just go Jack.” His voice is hoarse and holding back the pain Jack knows he just inflicted. 

“No, Daniel. I-.”

He spins then, his eyes glaring at him, his lips turning up in a snarl. “Get out Jack. You made your point, now get out.”

He fumbles to his feet; he hesitates but Daniel only barks at him again to get out. Jack complies. He stands outside the door. What has he done? What the hell kind of death bed confession was that? And deep down he knows it was a deathbed confession because tomorrow Daniel will undergo the first treatment, the first experiment. 

Experiment.

He cups a hand over his mouth. Christ, what has he done? Any hope of convincing Daniel otherwise has disintegrated. He might have damn well thrown the switch on the experiment himself. A fear takes root in his belly, twisting and tangling. He is going to lose his friend. He pounds on the door but Daniel never answers. He tries the knob but the door is locked. He stays there for an hour alternatively knocking and calling out to Daniel.

Silence answers him.

III.

Getting drunk had not been a smart thing to do, especially since he ended up waking late. When he finally awakes from his stupor, Jack jumps up from the bed at the underground base and races to the bathroom. A quick scrub down and a piss, gets him through his morning routine. He runs down the corridor watching as airman shuffle out of his way. He’d tried to call Daniel all night long to no avail. Carter told him which lab Daniel had been assigned and he wants to try one last time to stop this foolishness. 

He pulls up to the door, giving a great exhale as he does. When did he get so old? Yanking the door open, Jack enters the laboratory and witnesses exactly what he doesn’t want to see. Daniel is hooked up to some Frankenstein machine. Wires ensnarl him and monitors beep insistently. He ignores the scientists as they insist this is a private lab and they are in the middle of an experiment. Both Mitchell and Carter are standing off to the side. Were they there to watch Daniel’s demise?

He goes to the bedside and grasps Daniel’s arm. “Daniel?”

“He can’t hear you sir. They gave him a sedative.” Carter joins him and he sees that she has been crying. Mitchell stands to the side of her, his face etched with regret.

“Why? Why a sedative?” he directs his question to the clinical researchers hovering around him.

One young man with a blue lab coat answers, “He was in some pain when we started. In order to get a good base line we needed to give him a sedative so that we could complete the first round of tests.”

“Pain? What kind of pain?”

“A headache, sir. He came in with a headache and the tests they started made it worse,” Carter says.

Shit. The bump on the head. “Did anyone check him out to find out why he had a headache in the first place?”

“He said it was allergies,” Mitchell offers.

Daniel hasn’t complained of allergies in years and he looks at Carter. She slides her eyes away from him and he knows she tried to get Daniel to confess the real reason for his pain. 

“Unhook him,” he orders.

“I don’t think so,” the young scientist says.

“I think so,” he says and points to one of the others. “Unhook him or I’ll see to it that you’re all court-martialed. Now do it.”

While the young scientist continues to protest, the others start the process of dismantling the equipment attached to Daniel. He gets one of the doctors to check out his friend, giving him a clean bill of health. The bump on the head isn’t serious the doctor confirms but she agrees Doctor Jackson shouldn’t start the experiment today.

Jack sighs a relief as does Mitchell and Carter. “Help me get him to my car.”

“Your car sir?”

“I want to bring him to the hotel he’s staying at,” Jack says.

“Daniel checked out today. You can stay on base,” Carter replies.

“Not gonna work. Just listen to me,” Jack eyes the scientists as they crowd into one corner, probably plotting the end of the world. “I need to get Daniel away from here so I can talk to him again.”

“No offense intended sir, but Jackson didn’t seem too pleased with the talk you had with him yesterday.” 

He grits his teeth before he growls, “Daniel and I have an understanding about these things. First we piss one another off then we actually talk. We’d only gotten to the piss off stage yesterday. Now are you going to help me or are you getting out of my way?”

They help him.

IV.

He reclines next to the bed in the small upholstered chair. The hotel room doesn’t have much to offer but he doesn’t care, doesn’t pay much attention to it. His focus stays on Daniel as he sleeps. He woke only once on the drive to the hotel, disoriented and confused. He’d told Daniel to just go back to sleep – they would be there soon. His friend never disputed what was going on, just drifted back to sleep.

A slight movement catches his attention and Daniel’s eyes flutter open. He blinks a few times and Jack sees tears burning in his eyes. “Too bright.”

Jack jumps up and closes the blinds. The shaded light still gives the room a shimmer and he realizes the room must be painted with some kind of reflective paint. “Better?”

“Yes,” Daniel says and puts a hand over his eyes. “Where?”

“Hotel room.”

“What? Why?”

He slips from the chair onto the bed and clasps Daniel’s hand in his own. “Because I wanted you to stop Daniel and because I didn’t want you to stop.”

Daniel stops blinking and just stares at Jack.

He leans down and over Daniel. “Do you want me to stop?”

“No.” The word is barely voiced. The whisper doesn’t touch the air but somehow touches him inside.

Their lips meet. The hole deep within him collapses and falls in on itself. His hands come up of their own accord and he holds Daniel to him, feels the barest of stubble on his jaw. This is different, it is strange and it is wonderful. Their lips clash and dance and play as they hunt and explore one another. Hands fumble and clothes slide off. He’s touching places and knowing places on Daniel he dreamed of but never hoped for. His body is warring with him, wanting more and demanding more but he wants to slow down. He wants to feel everything, take in everything, be everything to Daniel.

“We have forever, Jack,” Daniel says.

He laughs at that as he realizes his friend has become something more, someone more to him. He has a ton to apologize for and a ton to explain but right now, he needs to be with Daniel and somehow Daniel has given this time to him. He allows Jack this space before the explanations and confessions. He’s never been with another man and as they fumble with one another, he discovers Daniel hasn’t either. They’re both new at this, exploring together. Again. He caresses and touches muscle and stone, so different from curve and cushion of a woman. Something is right to him about this, something is good. They find their way through it, easing each other and giving one another room. His hands touch Daniel’s and they are guided toward their goal. Daniel is patient but lusty all at once. He demands and speaks filthy and Jack laughs at that. He needs and Daniel gives, opening himself to Jack. It isn’t easy, and Daniel cries out in pain but they persist and relax into one another. Just the sight brings him to the verge and he coaxes Daniel to the edge as well as he pushes into him. With one last thrust, Jack releases and they both scream out together. As they lay together, after he’s come in Daniel and felt his friend become his lover, he embraces his future, his love.

“Daniel?”

“Um?” Daniel is quiet after they’ve made love.

“You’ll stop?”

“I shouldn’t,” Daniel says and Jack feels the weight on his lover’s shoulders. “But I will.”

The words ‘for you’ hang unspoken in the air.

“I love you too, Daniel, I love you too.”

THE END


End file.
